Raising compassionate kids

We do as best as we can to raise our kids and turn them into happy, healthy, well-adjusted adults.  We teach them all we can to be the best people they can be.  They learn the necessary skills:  reading, writing, math....brushing their teeth, tying their shoes, cleaning up after themselves.....eventually cooking, driving, money management.  As parents we never stop teaching and guiding our kids. 

One thing that surprises me are the people that fail to teach and guide their kids in the crucial skill of compassion.  I am talking about more than being "kind".  I am surprised at the park when I hear a half-hearted response form a mom saying "be nice" as her kid rushes past those that are younger or knocks over another kid and flings stones...and then doesn't even look back to see if they are OK.  During Trick or Treat this weekend a boy about 7 or 8 years old came down our drive with a group of older kids, maybe 10-12 years old.  He dropped his orange pumpkin full of candy and it rolled down our drive, spewing the loot everywhere.  He was scrambling to pick it up and catch the bucket....and all of the older kids walked right past him and some of them pointed and laughed.  The adults waiting at the top didn't come to help and certainly didn't make sure anyone helped this little boy out.  Kids can be mean and cruel, and in the age of bullying and zero-tolerance policies, I am wondering why parents aren't aware that now, more than ever, it is important to teach our kids to be compassionate. 

It makes my heart happy when one of my kids are sad or hurt and one of the other girls comes up and gives them a hug or kiss and says "are you OK?  You will feel better."  They recognize when someone they care about needs help.  What makes my heart do leaps of joy is when they recognize that someone else needs a friend.  Maya and Riley have come home a few times since the beginning of the school year and said that this girl or that boy cried at school today.  Someone had an accident or someone was really missing their mommy.  I asked them one day "what do you do when one of your friends is sad at school?"  Maya said "I ask if they are OK."  And Riley said "and we play with them!"  And Maya follows up "and sometimes we hug them too."  Well, at four, I am thinking that is pretty much right on the money. 

My girls are incredibly shy at first glance.  Their first swim lesson this summer was a disaster.  But, we pushed through and now they are old-pros at going to the Y for gymnastic lessons.  Teagan started a new session today and there are several first-timers in her class.  One little girl was SOOO upset, not wanting to do any of the floor exercises and out-right screamed.  Her mom was obviously embarrassed. Teagan looked at me and said "why is she crying, Mommy?"  I answered that she was maybe a little afraid and sad and she didn't know anyone.  Teagan walked right up to her, took her hand, crouched down turned her little head sideways so she could look up at this little girl in the face and said "I'll be your friend, come on." 

One of these days (I fear) kids in school won't be so nice if someone is crying or hurt or has an accident.  Kids that "don't know better" will be the ones picking and making fun.   And nothing makes my blood boil hotter than seeing a kid who is hurting....caused even more pain by someone who has possibly gone through the same things themselves at one point.  But why don't those kids know better, when they should know that it's never OK to treat someone like that.  Are parents to blame?  Other/older kids?  TV shows and movies?    I think know deep down that kids want to be kind, compassionate, be a good helper and just make friends.  Why don't we encourage that a little more?  I know the influence I have on my kids.  I know they are deeply caring little girls.  I just hope that my examples stay with them and that maybe their examples will help guide other kids. 

Comfort Zone

Yesterday's trick or treat was a bust.  It rained for far too long and was just too cold.  The girls napped, I caught up on some much needed photo organization and I about froze as I passed out candy to the kids crazy brave enough to face the elements.  All was not lost, however, as we woke the girls up and took them to the annual Lake Mohawk Halloween party following trick or treat.  We have never been in the 2 years we've lived here, but thought it would be a good way for the kids to be able to dress up and see other kids in costume as well.  The party itself was pretty casual, basically neighbors standing around trying to warm up, eating pizza & snacks and they had a small costume contests (in which Maya won 2nd place for the 4-6 year olds--the bride, front and center). 

 

 

And all would have been fine, had I not opened my big mouth. 

 

The girls' pre-school teacher lives in our development and they were excited to see her when we arrived.  About 3 minutes into our conversation I found myself agreeing to take over the Halloween party next year and head the committee (see point above where I mentioned this is the FIRST time we've even attended this function).  Our realtor was standing with me and said "sure, I'll help you"....and quickly their teacher was off to let the current committee leader know her replacement had been found.  What, wait!  What just happened?  I had the opportunity to back out, but I again agreed to do it. 

 

Now, I am a pretty social person, when I am in MY comfort zone.  People have different size zones.  Some thrive in a professional sports-size arena and others would rather exist peacefully in what lies within the tips of their outstretched fingers.  I am somewhere in the middle...,well, maybe closer to the smaller end of the spectrum.  Quite honestly, until I feel I have "control" over something, I often times get a little anxious with something new.  I don't consider myself to be a big "joiner" and certainly not a "social climber" by any stretch of the imagination.  As this lady was talking about what all to do for the party, soliciting donors (I HATE asking people for money), coordinating prizes, food, writing articles and confirming advertising (OK, I like to organize and write) I did start to get a little nervous about what I had gotten myself into. 

 

A few weeks ago at the Y while waiting for Teagan's gymnastics class to start, I got into a conversation with an older gentleman who was a retired school teacher from the local high school.  Turns out he taught social studies (I was a history major) and we hit it off, talking for 10 minutes or more.  He said "you know, I can tell you are a people person.  You have a very warm personality, kind eyes and I bet people just love to talk to you.  You have a gift, you know?  Not many people are a natural like that." 

 

In the two-plus years we've lived here, I have made a handful of new friends & acquaintances, but at times I still feel very isolated from the great groups of friends I have other places.  So sure, why not, I'll take on the party and head it up.  What have I go to lose?  My circle of friends won't get much bigger just hanging in my back yard all summer.  The girls will certainly have opportunities to do more with other kids if I become more involved in the groups that have activities with their peers.  I just have to take the attitude that it's nothing more than a little organization.  A chance to get together a bunch of kids, feed them some pizza and hand out some prizes, get together with neighbors and have a good time.  A chance to be the people-person that I am.  And even though I am still a little nervous, I feel my zone becoming just a tiny bit bigger.  

Dissapointment

The gorgeous 80+ degree weather of the past week has left us.  Bummer.  And it is now replaced by the 41 degree, rainy, windy onslaught of ICK that will stick around for another 5 days.  Double bummer.   And today is Trick or Treat.  Major.  Bummer.

This is the first year that all three girls have really understood Halloween and are really into Trick or Treat.  Grandma made their Halloween costumes and they've been wearing them all week since they were delivered on Tuesday. 

And today we woke up to:

What you can't see are the constant drops of rain.  What you can't feel is the biting wind cut through you.  And what the girls can't do is trick or treat today.  I hate to be disappointed and I hate to feel like my kids are disappointed.  And it's made worse by things that are out of our control.   So in anticipation of what might not happen today, I tried to compensate by having a "rainy day picnic" for lunch.

I held out as long as I could, hoping to see some clearing in the bands of rain that would allow us to get at least a half-hour in of pan-handling to the neighbors.  But not seeing much hope on the radar we laid them down for a much needed nap.  And actually they seemed to look right past the fact that the HUGE bowl of candy was out on the island and other neighborhood kids were starting to arrive at our door.  It actually seemed they weren't disappointed at all. 

I know there will be many times again when I can't fight off disappointment with a carpet picnic in the middle of the living room floor.  But hopefully they will be wise enough to realize that in life a little rain will fall.  And winds will blow.  And sometimes it's just not that big of a disappointment after all. 

Pinterest Junkie

Hello.  My name is Emily and I am a Pinterest Junkie.

The person that dreamed up Pinterest in a GENIUS!  In  my "free time" during the past 9+ months I have managed to comprise a Pinterest account consisting of 52 boards, 1364 pins and 54 followers.  I use my Pinterest powers for good, not evil.  I swear!  I have reorganized several areas of the house, tried some amazing (and some not to great) recipes, improved my fall wardrobe and made 18 sets of tile coasters and 4 tulle tu-tu's to donate to our church craft festival this weekend.  I won't say what else, but I handed off fabric today to my mom to whip up some crafts....that some of you may be getting for Christmas.  I have our master bathroom rennovation practically all planned out (for next spring) and the back yard/deck update ideas are shaping up (for 2015).  YIPPEE! 

My most recent Pinterest success was a reorganization of the girls' bedroom closets.  With Christmas around the corner and the girls getting older, I am in purge mode of toys, books, clothes and "stuff" that no longer is age appropriate, fits or that works.  After a brief pass through the toy room (trust me, a more detailed one to follow when I don't have 3 sets of eyes going "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT, THAT IS MY FAVORITE!!!"), my next move was upstairs to the bedrooms.  3 bins, 2 boxes and a bag of clothes, books & toys when to consignment and/or donation center.  But there is this ever-present need for me to create organization out of clutter and make it easier for the girls to take charge of their stuff and be helpers to put it away when asked. 

A moment of pride as I demonstrate last week's efforts:

Teagan's closet  before

Teagan's closet after.  And she was such a big help!

Maya & Riley's closet before

Maya & Riley's closet after

(And as an added bonus, the closets got completely wiped out and swept, including baseboards and shelves!)  

If I could complete amazing clothing ensembles, produce 5-star quality food, be creative enough to invent age-appropriate crafts for 19 pre-schoolers and afford no-dollar limit home renovations or dream vacations then I'd have no need for Pinterest.  So, the world needs junkies like me, I guess.  Happy to help!

Losing sleep

I have come to the realization that life up to this point has attempted to prepare me for having children, especially when it comes to the sleep you will lose over them.

In the teen/early 20 years of high school and college there is the partying studying that keeps us up late into the night.  Graduation!  And then it's reality.  Finding a job (and in this day and age worry about keeping a job), finding "the one"...and then keeping up with "the one".  Planning weddings.  Buying a home.  Adjusting to pressures, worrying about the little and big things....all will cause countless nights of sleep.

And then comes baby.  And for the better part of about 40 weeks you can plan to lose sleep as the growing, sweet little peanut(s) make themselves known to every internal part of your body and make it difficult to find a comfortable position to sleep.  And when you can....there are repeated wake-up calls for the bathroom.  Ta-da, magic day arrives and you hold your little miracle....and the sleepless night of feedings or maybe colic have you up.  And the "helpers" go home and the daddies go back to work and you are there in a mind-numbing, sleepless fog.  For what seems like ever.  (Actually, on a side note all 3 of my girls were wonderful infants, and all slept through the night by 8 weeks).  But then comes the teething.  Or double ear infections and stuffy noses and wet coughs that have you up.  And very soon there will come the friends and the sleepovers and then the boyfriend/girlfriend dramas.  The worry about them dating....and driving.....and arriving home safely.  And then going off to college or their own apartments where you have no clue what they are doing.....and I am wondering if those years I will ever get any sleep. 

Somewhere in the first part of our lives our bodies and minds are conditioned to lay awake and night and ponder the "what ifs" and the "unknowns".  Some of us toss and turn, others make mental lists of pros and cons and some of us just pray.  Wonder.  Worry.   To me, nothing is more of an unknown or a what-if than our kids.  We have to give them just enough leverage and freedom to figure out this thing called life, so that decades from now when they are parents themselves they have been conditioned to lose a little sleep.  When they are babies we have to let them "cry it out" on occasion in order to know how to self-soothe.  When they are teenagers is about asserting rules given in love for their safety and well-being while letting them develop a sense of self.  As they enter into adulthood it's about letting go and trusting that everything you have done will prepare them for the rest of their lives.  

But that doesn't mean you don't worry.  And toss and turn.  And pray.  And you hope that if your phone rings in the middle of the night for a reason they can't sleep it's something you can help with or at least listen to and remind them that for as long as they need you, you will be there.  Losing sleep.  All because you love them. 

Book fair!

Man, I was SOOO excited to open Maya & Riley's backpacks today and find the flier for the Scholastic Book Fair.  YIPPEE!!  When I was in school I loved the book fair.  Or Santa's Secret workshop.  Or anything where you got to take your hard-earned money to school and shop.  WOO HOO!!!  I love books and I love to read......and the girls love books and LLLOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEE to read.  I was practically giddy today and was trying to get the girls excited and they were looking at me and finally Riley said "what, a fair?!  Will there be rides?!!?!!!  Ok, so apparently the word fair stuck in her mind a little more than the word book. 

I would give anything to be able to sit, uninterrupted and dive into a good book.  That is what I love about vacation, the ability to lay around the pool or beach for hours on end with a cool drink, soaking up the sun and getting lost in someone else's world.  Hey, I loved bed-rest during my pregnancy with the twins....I read like 3-4 books a week for about 11 weeks.  Of course that was followed by a very long dry-spell of about 3 years where the only books I read that were longer than 8 pages were either "What to Expect the 1st year" and "Potty training for Dummies." 

Not only my girls, but I know several others who's parents have read to them practically from the womb.  It instills such a love of reading, a basis for a good vocabulary, interest in trying new things and I am quite certain that is where my kids get their over-active imaginations.  Just this morning Riley wanted to snuggle in bed and read with me first thing.  They have books that are memorized and they can "read" themselves.  And what they don't know, I love to stand in another room and listen to them make up the stories.  I lose track of the number of books we read in a week and sometimes I find it difficult to make them put books down and go do something else. 

So, off I go here shortly to peruse the online lists.  Christmas is coming and I will forever buy my kids books before silly toys any day. 

Happy reading! 

Missing out

Is it just me, or do you feel like you are missing out?  Missing out on something you do not have.  Something you want or need, or think you want or need.  Is it just me, or does anyone else have no clue what is missing?

Admittedly, I we have a wonderful life.  Four beautiful children.  Wonderful families.  Supportive friends.  Strong faith.  Reasonably good health.  Comfortable home.  Ability to make a good living.  Freedoms and liberties.  Hobbies that interest us.  And so many other blessings, far too many to name here.  So why on earth would I feel like something is missing?

The past few months I have had this unexplainable feeling that I am missing something in my life.  Not necessarily our lives, but something personal and meaningful to me.  I keep thinking of the blessing I have listed above and I consider the time it takes to manage all of that and I wonder what on earth could be left...and if I had "it" where would I fit "it" in?  My children, husband and home come first and foremost in my life.  That is the reason we decided before the girls even arrived that I would stay home to raise them full time.  I am so lucky that we are able to do that, for me and for them.  So it's not necessarily that I want to go back to work right now.  I would find it far too difficult to work around the girls' transportation schedule with school and I feel it would be far more frustrating than it's worth.  Because in spite of the days I have hair-pulling frustration, I cherish the time I spend with the girls.  It's not like I want to go back to school to change careers, I am not using the history degree I have as it is.  I hesitate to add something too drastic to our lives at this point.  I can already see the impact just the addition of school 3 days/week has had for our family.  Teagan was about 95% potty trained as of Labor Day.  However in the past 6 weeks she had regressed to the point of having multiple accidents a day and at times outright refusing to even try.  And I feel partly to blame because I am pulled in one more direction than I was before, and it disrupted our routine, and I feel like Teagan is the one suffering (kind of a strong word here)....but more I feel my floors and furniture may be suffering!  I love having the days to take them to the park when it's 70 degrees in October or to be able to participate in their school activities and take them to gymnastics  So, again, I hesitate to make a change at this point. 

I hate to say I am looking for something more fulfilling.  I guess I've been more frustrated I can't figure out what I want.   Someone told me not so long ago that what we need the most is often right in front of us, it just takes that "ah ha" moment to realize it.  I guess I have to realize there will never be a "good" time to introduce too much change to our lives, so if I am looking for something, I need to quit making excuses and just figure "it" out already. 

This week's course work in the James bible series we are studying with Beth Moore may have started to deliver a little insight and get me closer to that "ah ha" moment.   Beth writes "...all of us, no matter how much we have, desire something we don't.  Something that doesn't seem unreasonable.  Something that others in eyeshot appear to have."  As we begin our study on the 4th chapter of James, we focus on the inherent dangers of desire in our lives and the negative effect it has on our relationship with God.  Hey, it's not like I am missing out or looking for bags of money, a larger house, fancier cars......  We are asked to explore why desires & cravings resonate with us....and my answer that I wrote lay right in front of me in blue ink on the page....because of what I long for, I am cautious of what else in my life will suffer because I want both.  "Have you asked God?", Beth challenges.  At this point, I have to finally admit what I know is missing.  I want more free time/me time, but then I give up time with my family.  I want more time to blog, catch up on scrap booking or reading, and then the laundry piles up and I see dust on the furniture.  I want an extra 30 min/day to exercise...so I give up sleep...or shove it in between time in the office and making dinner.  Dear Lord, is that too much to ask?

"AH HA"....and it finally hit me this morning at 5:45 when the house was quiet and I am alone in the basement working out..... if I had only given up the worry and looking for "it" these past several months I would have realized what "it" was.  I don't have to make a desperate, deliberate change to our lives or schedules.  The time I spend each day/week looking for what I want could be spent on the simple things listed above that I know I like to do.  The things that do help fulfill me and make me a happier, more well rounded person.  A better mommy and wife.    A lighter spirit willing to accept the goodness God has given me and even more thankful for the blessing listed above. 

"AAAHHHHHH----HHHHAAAAAAA"......today I have already accomplished two of the things I wished I had more time to do, working out and blogging.  And maybe I'll make it a point to do that at least 5 days this week.  And maybe next week I'll let a little bit of the "guilt" go of spending time with the girls and doing loads of laundry and call the babysitter to see if she wants to come for an extra day for a few hours and I'll disappear into my office and I'll knock out a whole bunch of scrap booking. 

So if you're missing something, take the time to figure out what "it" is for you.  I hope it's something simple and you have the means to be able to make it work for you.  And maybe "letting go and letting God" is all it takes to make you realize you had it all along. 

Wishing you a Blessed day!

Navigating the school years

Every morning when the girls wake up the question is the same.  "What day is it today?"  If my response is Tuesday, Thursday or Friday, the answer is met with cheers and "yea, school today!!!"  I love that Maya and Riley are so into school.  They are excited when we get dressed, grab our coats and backpacks and head out the door.  They practically jump out of the truck and literally run up the stairs all the way to their class room.  They have brought home countless projects, have begun writing their names and other words.  They have already had their first after-school play date at the park with a new friend and been invited to their first birthday party.  I am happy to report, that in nearly six weeks we've not had any incidents at school.  Or have we? 

Most of the insecurities about the school year seem to me coming from me.  The first 2 weeks of school their teacher had made several comments/observations about the twins lagging behind in terms of following some specific instructions for their daily "centers", being very quiet and introverted in the classroom,  talking about how much they've had to work with them on some things and even questioned Riley's hearing.  (Trust me, she can hear just fine....sometimes she doesn't listen so well).  I find that the older I get the more receptive I have become to constructive criticism of myself.....but I am finding it a little harder to take when it comes to my girls.  I reminded her that they are literally the youngest in their class, they are first-timers to school and that I wanted them to take the opportunity to learn to do it for themselves.  I have volunteered to come in and observe them if need be, but I want them to develop a foundation for school on their own with the guidance of their teachers and the bonds of their new friends.  (I have come to the realization that I think she has very high expectations for all of her students, which can be a good thing.) 

They obviously love the atmosphere and spend hours talking about their day and their friends. They "play school" on the days we are home, pretend to be different kids from their class and have offered to practice writing their letters.  I get a daily run-down of who-wore-what, who played together and who was the weather person, flag holder, duck leader, etc.  Last Friday their "play" turned to the comment that Ashlynn had taken Riley's glue from her pencil box, Riley had to borrow Jason's, Ashlynn didn't give it back and now Riley had no glue.  Well, trying to get to the bottom of this I found the story more turned around....and wasn't really sure if it was Riley's glue that had come up missing or Eleni's.... or if any glue was even missing.  Somewhere Brianna got involved and then Ava.....oh, "what a mess" as one of them said.  I was telling a friend about their story and she suggested I call their teacher.  Huh?!?!  Over glue?  I was more interested if it was a very imaginative role-play scenario or if there was really a glue-thief among the morning pre-K at the Catholic school.  Was she serious I call the teacher?  On a weekend?  Should I have been more concerned about the $0.50 bottle of glue?  Here I had spent days contemplating whether I should perhaps taking Riley to an Ear, Nose, Throat specialist to have her hearing checked....but I didn't know I should call out a 5-year old over glue!!!   Well, I am happy to report I checked Riley's pencil box this morning and "Glue-Gate 2012" can be put to rest.....Elmer's was present and accounted for. 

Their teacher has praised their very advanced memorization skills, complimented their fine-motor and says they are a joy to have in class....even if they are still very quiet.  I can totally see a difference in their personalities and their level of independence.  I can only hope that their love of learning environments continues for many, many, MANY years to come.  It would be great if the biggest thing we have to worry about over the next 13-18 years is glue.  Maybe they can help me figure out this school thing.  After all....it's been quite awhile since I've done it myself.