Juggling

A day is one big juggling act.  Trying to fit 32 hours of stuff into a 24 hour period of time.  No matter how you look at it, it just isn't happening.  Sort, shuffle & sacrifice is about the only way to make it all happen in any given day.  The old saying "don't put off til tomorrow what could be done today" certainly DOES NOT apply to a mom of 3 active pre-school/toddlers.

So I have become a fairly skilled juggler.  Keeping track of kids, cooking, cleaning, errands, financials (personal and business), social events/obligations, miscellaneous activities and a little personal time sure makes for a lot of balls in the air.  I guess to do it all (well???) there has to be a system.  But in order for the system to work, there are well defined categories.  The "mom" balls, the "wife" balls,  the "family" balls (a separate category than mother & wife), the "household" balls, the "fiduciary" balls (work), the "essential" balls and the "personal" balls.  I guess I laid it all out right there.....pretty much in order of how I set my priorities.  My kids first, foremost and forever.  I guess know Bill understands that the girls come before everything, even him and US.  So the biggest ball in the air for me are the girls and the essentials involved in raising healthy, happy, caring and socially responsible people.  Our marriage and family unit are no less important, but are a lot more self-sufficient and will take a little less maintenance simply because as adult we understand what comes first.  So that ball is a little smaller.  Household responsibilities and finance/fiduciary are pretty much tied.  It's hard to do the 1st without the second.  Gotta work to have money to buy food, pay the utilities to wash clothes, clean the house (you get it).  A little smaller ball yet again.  You'd  think essentials would be the largest ball, but ever since becoming a parent you surprise yourself with the amount of things you can do without.....and sleep is one of them.  So that's a little smaller, a little lighter ball.  The the tiniest ball of all is the one labeled "personal". 

And it seems like once you finally get into a rhythm and keeping track of all the balls you have in the air, a gust of wind comes along and scatters them everywhere.  And when you think of what's the easiest to scatter....the smallest, lightest balls go first.  The things to go first in our schedules are the personal things that we may enjoy, but CAN be put off.  I love scrapbooking, but I am currently 11 months behind on the memories I want to preserve.  I have scheduled time that I meet with some friends every other month only because they understand as well that while friendship and fun are vital for keeping us sane, we are all busy women that have more important responsibilities.  I want to work out to be the healthiest I can be for myself and my family, but that means I give up an hour of sleep 5 days/a week so I can workout at 5 am.  Laundry, dishes and bills often pile up until the end of the day and after the girls are in bed I stay up late to finish.   Bill and I have "date time" MAYBE once every 3-4 months.  Hey, I love writing this blog, but it's been over a week simply because of all the other balls I've had in the air.

But at the end of the 24-hour day I have, I am proud to say that the biggest ball in the air is still going.  The winds may have tried to blow it around, but I am resilient in my priorities.  I know that my kids know they are loved.  I know somewhere down the road it won't be ALL about them.  But for right now they are more important than everything else I have up in the air.  They don't care if there are still breakfast dishes in the sink at noon or if I am still carrying around 5 extra pounds of  baby weight after 2 years.  They have no idea that I fold clothes til 11 pm or frantically clean bathrooms, take out trash and mop floors during their naps.  They are the reason I get out of bed in the morning and take all of those balls and start juggling.  But I always toss up the largest first.  That's the one that is the most important to get started in the right direction.  The rest will fall into line as they are supposed to.  Up in the air, round and round they go.  The best part is, the largest ball is the easiest to see.  It's the ever present reminder of what is most important.  Bar none!  

DIY Parenting

Parenting.  Let's face it, when we start out, we're all amateurs.  We spend the better part of 40 weeks reading books and blogs, taking classes, watching DVDs and talking to friends that do have kids all to prepare us for the little miracles that enter our lives.  And then....let's face it......all of that preperation doesn't do squat!!!  We are Do-It-Yourselfers.  I don't recall having any of those "experts" on child rearing at my door at 3 am to help feed the twins.  Or no PhD in Early Childhood developement arrived to counsel us on having a 3rd child while trying to adjust the twins to a new sibling and a move at the same time.

I quickly learned that I didn't have time to keep up with books telling me how to be a parent.  BEING a parent was much more time consuming.  Learning to adjust to put the needs of others before EVERYTHING else.  Before being a spouse, a friend, an indivual we are forever a parent.  Gone are the carefree days of doing what you want or doing nothing at all.  You are forever on-call for those little darlings.  We have to make schedules that work for us and that work with our exsisting lives.  Being a new mom to Maya and Riley was a little work and a lot fun everyday....and then Bill went back to work and the extra family left....and I looked around one day and said "well girls, it's just the 3 of us."  We made do, we are all still standing.  And we were just crazy enough to do it again.  Teagan joined the mix and we adjusted to make room for her and found that we did it a little faster this time, with a little less effort. 

Like most DIY projects you start out dabbling here, practicing there.  You may find that there are areas you really excel at, and others that constanly need tweaked.  Unlike a home repair project or fixing a car, most of us can't call in an expert to do the parenting work for us.  Admittedly I have help of a part-time sitter for the girls, and all working parents have to provide some sort of care plans for their kids, but I don't expect that person to do something for my kids that I don't do myself.  No two kids are alike, especially in the same family.  While we have structure and expectations, certainly our girls are becoming individuals and want and WILL do things in their own way. 

As permanent DIY parents we keep practicing our skills.  Most of us will never be a master-craftsman at parenting.  We spending each and every day learning.  Learning about our kids.  Learning from our kids.  Perhaps the most interesting thing about being a parent is what we learn about ourselves from our kids. 

Maybe years from now my girls will come to me when they are about to become a mother for the first time.  Maybe they will desperately seek my advice.  Maybe they'll think they have it all figured out.  The only advice I'll be able to give them (from one DIYer to another) is:   "Never stop practicing.  Never stop learning and growing.....with your children and for your children.  Never expect perfection, of your kids or of yourself.  Love unconditionally.  The rest you'll just figure out as you go."    I wish I had read a book during those first 35 weeks of pregnancy that had said just those few things.  The rest, well, we'll just do ourselves.

Birthdays through the years

Well, as far as birthdays go, 35 isn't so bad!  Thinking back to what I was doing during the previous decades of birthdays....

At 5 I was probably having a family party and maybe got a new bike.
At 15 I was thinking, enough with the bikes, another year and I get my license and a car!
At 25 I was thinking, enough with the car, time to find a DD and head out for dinner and a few drinks after work with friends.
And at 35.....well my day goes a little something like this:

• Alarm off at 5 am for working out....upon realizing I am TOOOOOO sore (or too old) after landscaping for 2 days straight, I reset the alarm for 6.  (Good news is that my glutes, hamstrings, quads and hips get a few days off this week!)
• 6:12 AM I am joined in bed by Maya & Riley.  They snuggle for a minute, then proceed to wiggle around for another 15.  Finally at 6:30 I reluctantly roll out of bed for the shower.
• I am joined in the bathroom a few minutes later by Maya announcing "PRESENTS ARE ON YOUR BED!!!!!!!!!", then she climbs on the potty and sings "Happy Birthday" to me.  YEA!
• Maya and Riley open the cards and presents, hey whatever!
• Breakfast is a struggle to get into everyone, they think the birthday cake comes first thing in the morning.
• Trying to decide what to do with our day I ask the girls what they want to do for fun:  "Play with Ms. Ann" is their reply.  Ms. Ann is the nanny!!  G R E A T!!
• Planning what to do fun for myself today:  laundry?  Wash the hardwood floors?  Run to the store and buy tags to start getting ready for the garage sale I decided to have this weekend? 
• Planning the birthday dinner.....Bill asked if I wanted him to grill something.  Upon looking at the radar I was deciding if I wanted to put him through getting soaked while making a bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin.....hmmmm...  Well, I told him if I was planning the meal it was a carb-fest.  (Love me some carbs!!!!!).  So, Spinach Ricotta Lasagna Roll ups or perogies?!?!  (The later means he cooks!).  Well, maybe that means my glutes, hamstrings, quads and hips WON'T get a few days off! 
• Hoping the girls all nap good this afternoon!  Hopefully the rains help.  This lady could use an hour to herself to catch up on DVR, tag items for the garage sale, do some work in the office.  You know....TOTALLY FUN STUFF!
• We'll have a nice family dinner.  Get the girls into jammies, say our prayers, read our stories and lights out.  Maybe Bil and I will sit on the back deck overlooking the lake and have a birthday cocktail (I have a new recipe for a birthday martini I've been wanting to try).  Of course that means a trip to the grocery this morning for alcohol...and when you go at 10:30 in the morning with 3 kids in tow, they look at you a little funny!  ;-)

Well, what's a birthday girl to do?  It may not be the most glamorous birthday, but it's my day.  That's just the way I want it and so far it's pretty darn good.  I suppose a lot of people may freak out about being SOLID in the middle of their mid-thirties, but I figure I am wiser and better prepared for life and all that it throws at me.  I just caught a brief segment of Live with Kelly.  Cameron Diaz was on and she was talking about how we don't give age enough respect.  Too many people are caught up on the superficial and way we look.  Not enough people appreciate what being older means. 

Today means I am surrounded by the people that matter most in my life.  The little people that give me presents every day, even when it's not my birthday.  A loving husband that WOULD stand in the rain grilling me pork-tenderloin if that's what I wanted.  Friends that I can celebrate with, even though we are separated by great distances.  And more wishes come true than I could ever hope for.  Happy Birthday to me!

Clean Slate

It's raining, it's pouring.  It's just like summer out there.  3 days of heat and humidity followed by a late afternoon thunderstorm. Enough to make it more humid for a while before the cool down.  This week has been the most summer-like since March (which is crazy right there).  The girls have LOVED being outside so much.  Running in the yard, fishing, boating, blowing bubbles and playing sidewalk chalk. Those girls love sidewalk chalk.  I think last summer I went through 4 boxes, and Teagan really wasn't playing with it that much. 

So each day is much the same.  We make ABC's and a hopscotch board.  We write every one's names.  Draw rainbows, flowers, shapes.  Our driveway is a master piece and Teagan looks like she's been licking the chalk cube to a pool stick. and Riley appears to have 80's bright blue eye shadow.  Several days this week we've woken up to rain showers.  The driveway is washed clean.  "OH NO" Teagan says.  That's OK I promise, we'll just have to do it again later.  So the sun comes out and dries up all the rain and the driveway is ready for sidewalk chalk again.  It's a clean slate.  Bare and ready for the next great masterpiece.  Another day of fun.

The rain washing away the chalk much like we are given each day as a clean slate.  We can wipe away the pressures, stress, disappointment and hurt of the day before.  We are given each day as a miracle of what can be.  The promise that life is renewed and refreshed and we are the creators of our own destiny.

I am reminded often that God walks among us.  He gives us what we need and lets us know there is hope out there, right around the corner.  Even during the darkest time, He gives us rain to wash it all away.  He gives us the sunshine as an opportunity for a clean slate.  And the days where there wasn't rain to wash it all away it just gives us the opportunity to build on what we had the day before and make it more beautiful.

So it looks like tomorrow we'll wake again to a clean slate.  Another chance to create a masterpiece.  Another day of fun!

Repetition

With 2 pre-schoolers and 1 toddler there is no shortage of repetition around this house!  Let's think about the approximate number of time that I say the following throughout the day:

Eat your breakfast:  16
Brush your teeth...top & bottom and the backs:  9
Here, let me brush your teeth for a bit:  4
Time to get dressed:  3
Let me comb your hair:  5
Seriously, come here and let me comb your hair:  7
Remember to flush: 8
Remember to wash your hands:  11
WITH SOAP:  4
Stop sitting on your sister's head: 6
Eat your lunch:  13
Pick up your cup:  10
Stop pushing your sister:  8
Riley, PULL UP YOUR PANTS:  4
Let's pick up some toys around here:  15
Eat your dinner:  18
Remember to share:  4

Sometimes when I feel like I've been beating my head against the wall all day and nobody listens to me, EVER, I just have to think of the repetition I get from the girls.....

Look what I made for you:  5
This is my best day:  3
Come snuggie me Mommy:  4
I did it all by myself:  7
Please Mommy:   15
Thank you Mommy:  19
Mommy you are my best friend: 6
Mommy I love you:  22

Let's hope someday some of the things I say will sink in.  The girls will make it to school with combed hair, remember to wash their hands, have clean teeth and remember to share.  Until then, I am proud of all the things they have learned.  To say "please" and "thank you".  Being proud of things they accomplish all by themselves.  To know who their friends are.  And that no matter what, love is the best!

The Smell of Air

Do you ever catch a hint of something in the air?  Something that just takes you back to good times?  In the fall it may be a hayride, the scent of changing leaves or the smell of apple butter cooking over a large fire.  The winter brings the smell of fresh cut evergreen trees and hot chocolate after sledding.  Spring is a mixture of the smell of rain, fresh earth and the bloom of new flowers and lilac trees.  Summer is my favorite...the smell of barbecue, campfires and the faint hint of Coopertone left on the kids' skin after a day at the beach.

And then there is the smell of.....air.  Just plain air.  When I was young and growing up on the farm, usually if  you smelled 'air' it was someone spreading cow manure.  Well, the kind of air I am talking about is much sweeter, much fresher.  Much more pure.  The hint of the world around you being alive.  Take today for example.  Maya and Riley thought it was perfectly acceptable to wake up at 6:01 on a Sunday morning.  Ok, that is never acceptable on any morning!!  The day got off to a rough start, a few meltdowns, a time-out.  I promised them an early lunch and then an extended play outside before Teagan was due for a nap.  Well....after a lot of good, fresh air, I decided it was the perfect day for all the girls to nap after being up so early and so worn out.  Tucking them into bed I could smell it.  Smell it in their hair.  The smell of air.  The smell of the breeze, rolling in the grass and picking dandelions and swinging on the swing.  The smell of not having a care in the world. 

I love the smell of air!!

Resume of a SAHM

I realized the other day that it has been nearly five years since I left my job in corporate America.  Nearly five whole years have passed since I gave up the 8-5 grind of my salaried, business-trip taking, 1 hr daily commute each way, male-dominated job.  And I wondered what would happen if I tried to re-enter the work force now.  After five years of being a full-time wife and stay-at-home mom (and part-time assistant in my husband's businesses) what would make me think of rejoining the 40-hr work week?  I am sure I'd be light-years behind in new technologies (all these young kids have the corner on that) and my resume would need a face-lift.  So, I thought I'd give it a shot at revising my resume a bit.

Emily Spencer

Objective:  To re-enter the world of corporate America, and not fall flat on my face doing it

Career History:  CEO and CFO of the Spencer Family
Duties include (in no particular order):

• Teacher
• Personal Chef
• Fashion coordinator
• Hair stylist
• General Practitioner and Amateur Surgeon
• Mediator
• Events Planner
• Laundress
• Chauffeur
• Personal Shopper
• Story Teller
• Puppet Master
• Spiritual guide
• Reference Librarian
• Housekeeper
• Accountant/Bookkeeper
• Personal Assistant
• Game show host
• Referee
• Pack Mule

Future duties to include:

• Life Coach
• Guidance counselor
• Banker
• Mender of broken hearts

References include: 

• Maya and Riley, ages 3 yrs, 7 months
• Teagan, age 22 months
• Aaron, age 20

Benefits request:

• 40 hour work week
• 3 weeks paid vacation
• Health, dental, vision, life, AD & D insurance
• Matching 401k and Pension plans
• Salaried position starting at ..............

And then I got to thinking, what job could I possibly get that would put all of my skill sets to use and what could I even being to ask for as a starting base salary?  Maybe I am better suited to stay where I am.  Keep my 365 day/year, 24 hour/day job.  Keep my full benefits package of kisses and hugs, the smell the my girls after they get out of the bath, the squeal in their voices when they blow bubbles, the "I love you Mommy" as they are tucked in at night.  There is always room for upward mobility.  Always room to add more to the job duties. As the girls grow and mature there will be lots more responsibilities, lots more benefits.  And I am pretty sure the title of SAHM will be just fine.