Raising compassionate kids

We do as best as we can to raise our kids and turn them into happy, healthy, well-adjusted adults.  We teach them all we can to be the best people they can be.  They learn the necessary skills:  reading, writing, math....brushing their teeth, tying their shoes, cleaning up after themselves.....eventually cooking, driving, money management.  As parents we never stop teaching and guiding our kids. 

One thing that surprises me are the people that fail to teach and guide their kids in the crucial skill of compassion.  I am talking about more than being "kind".  I am surprised at the park when I hear a half-hearted response form a mom saying "be nice" as her kid rushes past those that are younger or knocks over another kid and flings stones...and then doesn't even look back to see if they are OK.  During Trick or Treat this weekend a boy about 7 or 8 years old came down our drive with a group of older kids, maybe 10-12 years old.  He dropped his orange pumpkin full of candy and it rolled down our drive, spewing the loot everywhere.  He was scrambling to pick it up and catch the bucket....and all of the older kids walked right past him and some of them pointed and laughed.  The adults waiting at the top didn't come to help and certainly didn't make sure anyone helped this little boy out.  Kids can be mean and cruel, and in the age of bullying and zero-tolerance policies, I am wondering why parents aren't aware that now, more than ever, it is important to teach our kids to be compassionate. 

It makes my heart happy when one of my kids are sad or hurt and one of the other girls comes up and gives them a hug or kiss and says "are you OK?  You will feel better."  They recognize when someone they care about needs help.  What makes my heart do leaps of joy is when they recognize that someone else needs a friend.  Maya and Riley have come home a few times since the beginning of the school year and said that this girl or that boy cried at school today.  Someone had an accident or someone was really missing their mommy.  I asked them one day "what do you do when one of your friends is sad at school?"  Maya said "I ask if they are OK."  And Riley said "and we play with them!"  And Maya follows up "and sometimes we hug them too."  Well, at four, I am thinking that is pretty much right on the money. 

My girls are incredibly shy at first glance.  Their first swim lesson this summer was a disaster.  But, we pushed through and now they are old-pros at going to the Y for gymnastic lessons.  Teagan started a new session today and there are several first-timers in her class.  One little girl was SOOO upset, not wanting to do any of the floor exercises and out-right screamed.  Her mom was obviously embarrassed. Teagan looked at me and said "why is she crying, Mommy?"  I answered that she was maybe a little afraid and sad and she didn't know anyone.  Teagan walked right up to her, took her hand, crouched down turned her little head sideways so she could look up at this little girl in the face and said "I'll be your friend, come on." 

One of these days (I fear) kids in school won't be so nice if someone is crying or hurt or has an accident.  Kids that "don't know better" will be the ones picking and making fun.   And nothing makes my blood boil hotter than seeing a kid who is hurting....caused even more pain by someone who has possibly gone through the same things themselves at one point.  But why don't those kids know better, when they should know that it's never OK to treat someone like that.  Are parents to blame?  Other/older kids?  TV shows and movies?    I think know deep down that kids want to be kind, compassionate, be a good helper and just make friends.  Why don't we encourage that a little more?  I know the influence I have on my kids.  I know they are deeply caring little girls.  I just hope that my examples stay with them and that maybe their examples will help guide other kids.