Temper Tantrums

Temper Tantrums.  ICK!  Just those 2 words can make any parent cringe.  Even if we don't have kids, we've all witnessed the doozies in various stores, restaurants, etc.  There are your garden-variety tantrums....and then there are the knock-down-drag-out kind that just make you go crazy.  Kids throw temper tantrums for various reasons:  they are tired, they are bored, they are scared, they just don't know any better/their parents just don't care.  When I see such tantrums I always try to do 2 things:  #1 don't further escalate the issue by staring or drawing further attention to the situation and #2 don't judge the situation because you really don't know what is happening.

I take pride in the fact that my girls are very well-behaved in public.  We get countless compliments from complete strangers on how good they are, how well mannered, very attentive, etc.  I commented in an early blog post that our lives revolve around schedules.  More than just schedules, 4 things in fact:  schedules, structure, organization and expectation.  I believe my girls are extremely equip to handle public places and experiences.  They know what it means to be well-behaved and they know what is expected of them.  If I see signs that they are wearing down, getting overly tired, etc I know to change the setting or make ready to leave before things get to be too much for them.  I am happy that my girls are not temper-tantrum kids.

Until.  Today. 

The girls started swim lessons today.  I thought I was saving myself the headache and aggravation by enrolling Maya & Riley in the Pre-school Pike class and then enrolling Teagan in the Parent/Child swim which coincided with the older group.  This means only one trip to the Y each week (and when you have a 27 min drive each way, that is a plus).   We spent the weekend in Indianapolis visiting Aaron and spent a great deal of time on Saturday swimming with the girls in the pool.  They are very comfortable around water and love to "swim".  We were really talking-up the start of lessons this week and they were so excited.  This morning over breakfast they couldn't wait to get into their suits and head out.  We got to the pool and they were practically dancing around waiting for them to open the pool doors.  They were good sitting on their towels during roll call and meeting the instructor.  I watched them walk hand-in hand to the edge of the water and sit with their feet in the water.  Watched them sit on the pool steps and start to get wet.  And Teagan and I started her lesson.  And all of that fun, calm and excitement.....lasted 10 minutes.  They spotted me on the other side of the pool in the water with Teagan and, pardon me, but all hell broke loose.  They were not happy, and these shrill screams erupted and everyone in the pool area knew they weren't happy.  All three classes!!  Their teacher had to come get me because they had climbed out of the pool and wandered away from the class. (Side note, I DO NOT THINK that 12 kids and ONE instructor and one parent helper is enough, especially when they are 3 & 4 years old).  So I had to get Teagan out of the pool and go try to calm them down and rejoin the class.  Nope, weren't having any part of that.  I took them from the pool back into the locker room, calmed them down some and as soon as we got back poolside, they just started all over again.  For about 20 seconds I was ready to wrap them all into towels and just leave.  Obviously they were disrupting 3 different classes.  Obviously their instructors weren't able to control the situation.  Obviously the 2 lifeguards standing there weren't doing anything.....other than totally shooting me dirty looks.  OH NO, why today of all days do they decide to throw the ultimate tantrum?!

Then, instead of embarrassed or worried I decided that my kids need to learn to swim!  We live less than 100 yards from the edge of a lake.  Swimming is a skill they need.  Swimming is a necessity for safety.  I had to quickly realize they were simply out of their element.  This was something very new to them.  They were in a group with older kids that had obviously taken lessons before they they just didn't know what to do.  So, in the fashion of "sink or swim" I just handed them back to the teacher and helper and Teagan and I walked away back to her lesson.  Oh, they continued to cry, kick, scream, howl....you name it.  And everyone saw it and heard it.  They got back into the pool and went through the drills, crying the whole time.  Teagan missed half of her lesson while I was trying to calm them down.

And then Teagan's not-so-subtle-teacher "suggested" that maybe I switch classes so that the girls don't see me.  Sure, I am quite positive that was a large part of the problem.  But, as I mentioned I live 27 min ONE WAY from the Y (because the local pool 9 min away won't do pre-k swim lessons).  It's not very feasible to me to drive more than one day/week.  Plus, I would have no where to leave Maya & Riley when I am in the water with Teagan for 30 min.  I talked to their instructor who said just bring them back next week and we'll give it another try.  I appreciate her attitude.  Obviously having such a young group she is used to this.  There was another boy there just as upset.  (So again, 2 adults to 12 kids and THREE of them are upset......). 

On the drive home I was really upset.  Trying to figure out how to rearrange schedules to make it work.  I need the girls to go to lessons and like the atmosphere and want to learn.  I want them to understand that it's not OK to act like that and it's better just to "go with the flow" and try it.  I want it to be a positive experience for all of us and I want them to be excited about going back.  They have already adamantly told me they are not returning to class next week.  I can't let them quit or give up one session in.  That's not a good attitude and not a good example. 

While I know that my kids won't always be those adorable, polite little darlings in public I had sure hoped that they wouldn't be the temper tantrum tag-team.  I would have hoped that a few of those other moms and Y staff would have been a little more sympathetic and a little less critical with their looks.  So I am feeling slightly defeated and a little sad that this wasn't a better experience for them.  As parents we only want good things for our kids, but as adults we know that nothing comes easy and it takes lots of practice.  I don't want my girls to be miserable while at swim lessons because I don't want to instill a fear of water in them.  It's one of those tricky, thin lines we walk as parents.  I am trying not to beat myself up too much and really trying not to be angry at them for being so disruptive and upset.  We'll figure it out and make it work.  It's just going to come down to sink or swim.

And I hope swimming wins!